Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Iron & Whine

I've spent a lot of time with Lucas in the past year, seeing as how we've lived under the same roof for that year. While Lucas is a model citizen in most respects (actually, his taste in food might as well have landed him on America's Most Wanted), one area in which he is sorely deficient is that he does not care to own a good iron. Not only does this make him a bad person and unmanly, it has really caused me grief over the last 12 or 13 months.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a man of impeccable fashion sense. I was born with an innate knowledge that brown shoes don't go with grey slacks or black belts. I never wear white after Labor Day. Basic rules of fashion are 2nd nature to me. I fact, I've given Lucas so many fashion tips that he's lately taken to calling me "Mr. Advice". This being the case, I can never wear anything wrinkled.

In a fit of rage this past Sunday, fueled by Lucas' iron leaking all over my clothes while failing to vanquish a single wrinkle, I hurled it at the wall and (using very mild expletives) vowed to go spend serious money on the best iron I could find. One that would get the job done. This led to hours of Internet research to see what amazing gadgets the ironing world could offer me.

*A word to the wise here: simply typing in "iron" into google brings up things like the table of elements and golf clubs. You must specify with "clothing iron" or "clothes iron" or something. I could have saved myself about 25 minutes if I'd have just thought ahead.

**Actually, the wise may already have figured that out. Just call it a word to the not-so-bright.

- Sears offers the Rowenta Advancer Iron, which looks spiffy, but in my book is all bark and no bite. Plus you're paying through the nose ($120-$150) for a product its users have only given 2 out of 5 stars. AVOID THIS ONE! The three week trial I gave it only affirmed my belief that's it's full of crap.

- Craigslist was A JOKE. It's really hard to track down a decent iron there. Just skip it when you're looking.

- I found the Euro Pro Shark Steam Iron at Amazon.com. It'll run you about $130-$100 but I hear it gets the job done. I ordered it for a trial but I couldn't figure it out because it looks too weird. If you prefer a more traditional iron then STAY AWAY!

- I kicked around my old standby ironing.com till I realized the awful truth: They don't sell any irons! How misleading is that?!?! Bunch of liars. They certainly won't be getting any more of my BEES KNEES.

- The Naomoto HYS 58 Gravity Feed Steam Iron really KICKS SOME serious patootie, even being in the price range I wanted ($440-$400) with bells and whistles like a water bottle and a contured wood handle. I was actually about to purchase it, but then I realized it sucks 110 volts and 880 Watts, and with Lucas being so energy conscious lately, I had to back away. Plus, it's 4.5 pounds. Now, I'm not a wuss, but that's a little heavy.

The research was really fun but my clothes were getting more wrinkled by the minute. I was constantly sweating and babbling incoherently. Out of pure desperation I walked into Meijer's and bought the first iron I saw, which actually turned out to be a steal. I was enchanted by the neon lights and the "anti-drip" guarantee stamped on the side. I paid $50-$25 bucks (a little low, I know, but I'm spending all my money on food now) and so far it's been one of the best purchases of my life, placing a "Jaguar's Jockey Shorts" on my 1 to Gucci Loafers scale. It was such a knock off that I couldn't even find it on-line, but I'm telling you: my first ironing session with it was a breeze.

1 comment:

  1. William,
    You could have just come over and used mine. But I'm glad to hear you are ironing your own shirts now.
    Love, Mom