Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Twizzlers: The new crack

They're a conspiracy. They're the start of Communism in America. They're a drug for the general public without the underground market. They're shamelessly out in the open, infiltrating our communities and workplaces with a vengeance. Grandparents give them to their grandchildren, Parents reward their children with them - employers provide them for morale-boosting, movie theaters thrive on their existence, & toothpaste companies & dentists worldwide are profiting from their effects.

Twizzlers are the "new crack", the recreational drug of choice for Americans. Their addictive properties make habits that once started, are impossible to break without professional intervention. here's the kicker - They're not all that good. In fact, they're waxy, they're unhealthy, it's impossible to get just 1 out of the bag at a time because they all stick together, and the red dye makes me hyperactive. Wanna ride bikes?

Don't even get me started on Red Vines.


  1. So uh, about Red Vines...

  2. The are addicting and they give me a stomachache.