Weathering the proverbial storm

Well, since all of the other guys I "hired" to write on this blog have disappeared (or are spending their time shooting their resumes to other bloggers in hopes of landing one of those "paying" gigs), it appears as if you, dear readers, are stuck with me and my futile attempts at humor.

While I pride myself on a firm grasp of the vernacular (that's what she said), this job is quite a lot to handle for just one man. With the sudden surge in readership, I am physically unable to keep up with the demanding mob that has effectively stormed my email inbox. Between post requests, hate mail, and marraige proposals from modestly hot women (mainly convenience store cashiers), I find myself in need of a stiff drink in the mornings, just to be able to deal with the pressure. In addition, a budding addiction to Twizzlers and banana Laffy Taffy is making me more well-acquainted with my dentist than I ever desired (Sorry Dr. Miller, you're a nice guy, but I don't want to hang out with you anymore!). In short, life is not the same when you have responsibilities and a reputation to manage and uphold.

How will I "weather the proverbial storm" you ask? Simple - I will keep on keepin' on, despite the best efforts of "the man" we call life to bring me down. I am committed to bringing you, my cherished readers the best damn coverage anywhere of what goes on inside my brain. If, by chance, the others decide to grace us with their presence, I will welcome them back with open arms and empty pocketbook. This blog isn't, hasn't, and never will be about the money. It's the love of the game. I think that's why Michael Crabtree finally just signed with the 49ers after a long-ass holdout. The money didn't matter to that guy, he just wanted to play football. Just like me, I just want to blog. Groove on that.

Until next time, PEACE!

~Lucas

Twizzlers: The new crack

They're a conspiracy. They're the start of Communism in America. They're a drug for the general public without the underground market. They're shamelessly out in the open, infiltrating our communities and workplaces with a vengeance. Grandparents give them to their grandchildren, Parents reward their children with them - employers provide them for morale-boosting, movie theaters thrive on their existence, & toothpaste companies & dentists worldwide are profiting from their effects.

Twizzlers are the "new crack", the recreational drug of choice for Americans. Their addictive properties make habits that once started, are impossible to break without professional intervention. here's the kicker - They're not all that good. In fact, they're waxy, they're unhealthy, it's impossible to get just 1 out of the bag at a time because they all stick together, and the red dye makes me hyperactive. Wanna ride bikes?

Don't even get me started on Red Vines.