In the first installment of "Foods I hate", we learned about my profound disgust for tomatoes, mushrooms, mayonnaise, organ meats, strawberry jam/jelly & and seafood. This part delves further into foods that spoil my fragile palate. Enjoy, or actually...don't, because what I'm about to lay out is NOT enjoyable.
Usually I like my coffee with sugar and cream like any normal human being, and if need be, I don't mind drinking it black. In fact, drinking black coffee makes me more of a man every time I participate; my manly mane of chest hair growing thicker with every sip. However, there is a mainstream movement inside every "gourmet" coffee chain like Starbucks or Flying J to strip this wonderful drink of its beauty and desecrate its very core by adding flavored syrups to "enhance" the taste. Coffee tastes perfect, unless when it's transluscent. In that case, you should add more grounds to the original batch and run the coffee through again. Coffee can never be dark enough.
That Popeye is full of sh--. I could eat McDonalds every day and pop a few 'roids every hour or so and get jacked like crazy. Sure, spinach might be considered "healthy" and "good for you", but so are Flintstones vitamins. If I were a horse I might like raw spinach, but I'm a human. I like hamburgers. Cooked spinach is even worse - if someone were to come up to you and say "Hey! Eat this steaming pile of green mush and tell me what you think of it", I have a hard time believing they wouldn't get smacked in the face with a rolled up newspaper. Don't bring that crap near me or I'll kill you.
Peas are like disgusting Dippin' Dots. Whoever thought that it would be a good idea to eat a bunch of green mushy balls off of a plate is severely mistaken. How am I supposed to even start to eat them?! I used to lump grean beans and peas in the same category or disgusting vegetables, but then I came to the light after tasting some delicious green beans. I won't be coming to that same conclusion with peas. Every time I am confronted with peas on a plate, I'm not sure whether to stab them with a fork or scoop them with a spoon. Any way you cut it, peas make everyone eating them look 2 years old again. The only acceptable use for peas is to split them and put them in soup. Even that smells bad, but at least I don't end up smashing it on the floor.
You think you're all "artsy" and "cultured" by going to that Indian Bistro uptown in the college district? I've got a news flash for you. You're not. You're gross. Don't argue with me. If I ever start dating a girl who suggests an Indian restaurant as a date idea, we're probably going to break up on the spot. Unless they have hamburgers.
I will never consume anything named "Baba Ghanoush". I don't think I've ever knowingly eaten eggplant before, and I think it's best that we never meet.
Feel free to add your own or tell me why I'm an idiot. Except if you tell me I'm an idiot, I'll probably start getting mean. Fire away at your own risk.