Thursday, May 7, 2009

Who puts ice in their milk?

I feel like the nerdy snot-nosed 9-year-old that always gets tricked on the playground by the cigarette smoking 6th grader with facial hair - and I keep coming back hoping that one day we'll be friends and hang out and do all sorts of things together that cool kids get to playing kickball outside in the cul-de-sac after my ususal bedtime of 6:30 pm - or talking to girls.

I fear that I will never be one of the cool kids, that the bully will ALWAYS be there, looking over my shoulder, becoming a giant elephant that stays in whatever room I'm in. 

Damn Cincinnati sports teams. All they do is tease. A day after it was announced that the Reds have the best ERA in the majors, Bronson Arroyo goes out and gives up 9 runs in 1+ inning. When the Reds have gotten good pitching, they usually can't hit the broad side of a barn. It seems like it's been happening this way for years in some capacity. When the Reds pitch, they can't hit, and when they hit, their pitching looks little league-esque. I just want a team that can put it all together for once.

This isn't exclusive to the Reds. For years and years, the Bengals have shown flashes of potental for a run into the playoffs, or at staying in contention for the latter part of the season. The only time they get to the playoffs since I've been a fan, freaking Kimo Von Oelhoffen has to chew up Carson Palmer's knee and spit it out, leaving the legendary Jon Kitna to pioneer the Bengals against the Steelers in the playoffs. I have no doubt in my mind that the Bengals would have won that game had they had Palmer in good form. 

On a positive note, our resident minor league hockey team, the Cincinnati Cyclones won the Kelly Cup Championship last year. Nobody cares. Not only are they a hockey team, they're a minor league hockey team at that. The only draw to their games are $1 PBR nights, which by comparison to $7.25 beers at a Reds or Bengals game is pretty good, so I will give them props in that department, but not for playing hockey or being minor leaguers. Seriously - play a real sport.

Until Cincinnati figures it out and starts learning how to hang out with the cool kids in the playoffs, I will be forever be the coke-bottle glasses wearing, wooden sword weilding, hand-me-down clothes wearing, Star Wars-themed lego fan that I have always been. 


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