Foods I hate, Part I

To some, I would be considered a picky eater. Red meat and starches are dietary staples to be consumed in mass quantities. This isn't meant to diss vegetables though - I like vegetables. In fact, broccoli might be my favorite vegetable of all time. I like plenty of foods, as long as they're not weird or gross. Is that too much to ask?

I don't mean to make this post about foods I like. This is about foods I DON'T like. In fact, I aim to make this the first post in a series about foods that really bake my clams (I hate clams). Enjoy! Because I won't!

Tomatoes

The Spawn of Satan. My cousin once described them as "spewy", which I thought described everything tomatoes were about. What's with that gross jelly-like substance in the middle of them? I've tried very hard to like tomatoes, yet I still can't stomach them.There is nothing worse than biting into a sandwich and discovering a tomato. All you can do is sit there with an open mouth full of sandwich, trying to not let the tomato touch any part of your mouth.

Strawberry Jam

Whoever decided that leaving the seeds inside jam or jelly would be a good idea? Probably the same people who decided that 12 grain bread & crunchy peanut butter were good ideas. It's taken me some time to get over my fear of the texture of beans, but God help me if I ever have to bite down on a sandwich with strawberry jelly again. My whole body turns to jell-o at the thought.

Seafood

I will never understand how seafood restaurants stay in business. Every menu item tastes exactly the same. I don't care if it's crab legs, salmon, halibut, shrimp, or mussels, they all taste like fish, which is unforgivable. In my opinion, if you have to fry something to make it even remotely palatable, you need to find something different to eat.*

*Potatoes excepted

Mushrooms

Lots of them are poisonous, and they grow on the dark side of poop. 'Nuff said

Mayonnaise

While I acually like mayo, everything about it is really just wrong.

Organ Meats

Ok, these are just gross. I know people who love chicken livers and can't wait to fry up that heart that came inside the chicken when they bought it. IT'S AN ORGAN! I know I said I love red meat, but wow. Just wow. I would only consider the thought of eating organ meats if my name was Bear Grylls and I was a total bad-ass. Oh, I would have to be literally starving first too. I'm really not looking to be bad ass here, just alive.

There's plenty more where this came from. Stay tuned for what else I hate.